Stupid Monsters

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Subject: Stupid Monsters Mon Mar 05, 2012 12:37 am

[[Stupid Monsters Complete Article Click Here]]

Yes, I like monsters. When I was little, I was one of the horror movie addicts and my cartoons were required to have all sorts of monsters in them. As I've grown older, I've done my best not to grow up and, as such, my love for bizarre and deadly animals of fiction hasn't dwindled. But like any work of fiction, when hasn't there been a time where you leaned back and declared to the world that ANYONE could have come up with something better?

I mean, I doodle stupid monsters all the time. But I would never put them in a book and expect other human beings to have to experience them. That's why we're going to go through the D&D Gallery of Shame.

That's not to say that all these monsters are retarded and lame. Oh no. Only some of them are stupid beyond words...and that's what this article is all about. After doing a lot of research which entailed getting my hands on a copy of almost every Monster Manual that's been printed over the past 30 years, I've put together a list of the most mind-numbing creations that a lot of you will be surprised someone didn't get their ass handed to them for even suggesting.

Now everyone probably knows what a Beholders is, he isn't a retard monster, far from it, but the retardation kicks in somewhere else...
Stupid Monsters Gas%20spore%20omg%20the%20hell

Stupid Monsters Gas%20spore%20omg%20the%20hell

"Gas Spore" is a monster that looks like a Beholder...only when you attack it, it explodes and infects you with deadly spores that will kill you. So, we've got a monster that is a monster you have to fight as well as a monster that exists only to look like a monster you have to fight. This brings up the first issue I have with D&D: There is no hope for you if you exist in this world. Nothing can be trusted. If the game master wants to kill you, you're dead. Think I'm exaggerating? Wait until I show you the monster that kills you by becoming your pants and tricking you into putting them on.
Stupid Monsters D&D%20giant%20beaver%20comic%20jared%20hindman

Stupid Monsters D&D%20giant%20beaver%20comic%20jared%20hindman

[[... keep reading...
Stupid Monster Category #1: Fun with Animals]]

[[Stupid Monsters Complete Article Click Here]]
credits, Jared von Hindma

Subject: Re: Stupid Monsters Mon Mar 05, 2012 11:57 am

*epic facepalm*

Oh my word...

*headdesk* Ya know... I never thought of it that way... but for the sake of argument... Mimic Animals *exist* in real life, ya know? Animals that are patterned a certain way to look like other animals as a protective trait? Ya know? So the stupidity factor is somewhat ameliorated. Not completely, but somewhat.

As for the Demotivation... well... that was more for the Incredibly Lame Pun than for actual monstrous combat, but the Oversized Animal as Monster has been done LOTS in fiction and quite acceptably, too. King Kong, the Forgotten Island (if that was the one by Jules Verne that they're doing the sequel to as a movie)... those sort of things. It's a staple of monster stories.

Still... gotta give you kudos for an incredibly thought-provoking and acceptably written article.

Thank you.

Grizz

Subject: Re: Stupid Monsters Tue Mar 06, 2012 12:43 am

Yep stupid and hilarious

btw if i remember i think we probably have one of those Evil Squirrels around here somehere.
right Fury?

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